Hold the phone! When did this happen? One second I am living in Chiberia and kept indoors by a polar vortex and then the next second the trees are green and it is 85. WTF, Mother Nature?!? I could have used a little more easing into this season. Don’t you agree? Not that I am complaining. Well, I guess I am kind of complaining…but if you know me well enough, you know I am pretty much Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men inside the body of a 30 year old woman, so you are probably used to it by now. I just needed more time to mentally prepare myself to walk into Target and be bombarded by string bikinis (and I mean string…) and cropped tops. Ummm…. What percentage of the population can actually pull off crop tops? Last I heard, I thought Americans were generally obese. And isn’t the average size of a woman a 12? I am a 12 and you won’t see me in any crop tops. I wear my shirts extra long. Extra coverage. I won’t even wear shorts, because the shorts of my youth, which had some length to them, are long gone. Nobody needs …

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