I’m tired of recipes ordering me around. <br /> <br />You know the type: <br />– You’ll Never Need Another Appetizer Again After You Make THIS <br />– The Top Five Brownies You HAVE TO HAVE RIGHT NOW <br />– MAKE THIS ROAST CHICKEN OR SO HELP ME GOD FRODO WON’T MAKE IT TO MORDOR NEXT TIME YOU WATCH LORD OF THE RINGS. HE’S JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND DIE LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AND IT’S YOUR FAULT <br /> <br />Why can’t you just give me the damn recipe without trying to convince me it’s gonna cure cancer? Can I really not live unless I’ve tried your 17-layer Nutella pumpkin monstrosity? Is someone gonna come home and find me hanging from the closet ceiling by a poorly-tied linen noose with a note pinned to my chest that reads “If only I’d tried that power green smoothie recipe”? <br /> <br />No, I’m thinking not. <br /> <br />I made this recipe three times in four weeks, it’s really damn good, and you should make it too. Also it’s vaguely summery. <br /> <br />See, was that so hard? <br /> <br />Now hurry up and make this before your fellow pinterest goblins unfollow you or something.

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